Today, we are about to do what few have attempted, probably because they thought it over and figured anyone nicknamed Mr. Furious should be avoided at all costs.
This would be true if we were about to talk to the Winnipeg Blue Bombers' two-legged assault weapon, defensive end No. 56. The man smears on black face paint and plays football the way Rambo played hide and seek in the movie forest; a man who has spent 10 years knocking down quarterbacks and trying to destroy every offence in his way.
That man, Mr. Furious, we want no part of him, either. But his alter ego, Daved Benefield, him, we appreciate.
Benefield speaks eloquently, snowboards in the winter, designs his own line of clothing and operates a Web site that features a caricature of him wearing a chef's hat with the slogan, 'Serving up a world of hurt.' He was also more than willing to engage in our exercise of the day, that being: if he were commissioner of the Toronto Argonaut-running, Hamilton Tiger-Cat-bailing, forever-in-a-jam Canadian Football League, what would he do?
How would he make things better for players and fans alike?
At 36 and still at the top of his game, Benefield has a unique perspective on the CFL. He's played in the East and the West and has been an all-star in both divisions. He's an American by birth, but is "honoured" to say that when he visits friends in California, they claim he sounds Canadian. (Maybe that's because Benefield lives here year-round and is married to a Canadian who works for the Vancouver police department.)
Even as the gentler side of Mr. Furious, Benefield isn't afraid to speak his mind. He learned that from his father, who works as a general contractor in Los Angeles, and from his mother, who works at the L.A. Criminal Courts and once said to her son, "I don't want to see your name coming across my desk."
It was Mr. and Mrs. Benefield who told young Daved to speak up if he saw something wrong, and with the CFL struggling on several fronts, the time has come for commissioner Benefield to talk freely:
"If you can get people in the right positions to push the league to the next level, that would be the thing to do. Right now, there seems to be too many people who want to control everything," Benefield said.
"I think there are things that can be done better. I'd like to see when bad calls are made, or no calls are made [by on-field officials], I'd like to hear about heads rolling. In the National Football League, you hear when those guys get it. They make mistakes; they get it.
"I'd like to see [commentators] Chris Walby, Glen Suitor, John Wells get 30 seconds between plays for TV games so they can fully sell the game. With 20 seconds between plays, it's hard to explain everything that's going on.
"I'd like to see more cameras for close-ups to sell the players. It's an awesome game. We've got athletes allowed to play and show emotion.
"I watched an NFL game the other night and a [defensive] guy came out after two plays. It's a joke. Look at guys like [Blue Bombers teammates] Doug Brown and Denny Fortney. They play run and pass. All around the league, we have great players. People don't believe that because we don't have three zeroes added to our contract.
"I'd like to see the CFL added to the John Madden [video] game. My friend's done it. He's got the Bombers playing 11 men against NFL teams. He's even got [kicker] Troy Westwood with his long hair.
"If my friend can do than why can't the CFL be part of the Madden game? That's what the kids like. Why are so many of them wearing [Atlanta Falcons quarterback] Michael Vick jerseys when the guy's never won a Super Bowl?"
Brendan Taman, the Bombers vice-president of personnel, said he thinks it's worth listening to Benefield because he's a special player with a relentless passion for the three-down game.
"If there was ever an import who was more a non-import, it's him," Taman said.
Of course, many see the Mr. Furious act and think Benefield is a loose ball bearing rolling around in a tin can. Benefield's response to that is that being loud is all part of football. And wouldn't it be nice if the CFL had more characters willing to attract the spotlight?
"I wish there were more guys who pushed the envelope of what's expected of a CFL player," he said. "We're the only ones who can control our destiny. You have to get your face out there."
As for the situation with the Argos and the Ticats, commissioner Benefield has his ideas.
"The Argos have to get out of the 'Dome," he said. "Hamilton is more of an ownership issue.
"They never marketed the players. I've heard from the players that [former owners David Macdonald and George Grant] didn't take care of the team. They didn't take care of the vehicle. They ran it into the ground."
That sort of thing could still happen if Benefield were really the commissioner. Then again, how many of you would love to see Mr. Furious, in full face paint, chairing a board of governors meeting?
Now, that would be serving up a world of hurt. Consider it an exercise for another day.
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