London — Ryan Malcolm had known fame a scant three months and had never been to London before, yet it still took a mere three days before he was rumbled in his first schoolgirl mugging.
It left him as mussed-up as a wet cat, but the lanky Canadian Idol wasn't taking time out for any shenanigans. He's just here, he says no less than five times in an hour, for the music.
There is also that thing about bidding for untold fame and wealth. Malcolm was getting ready for the World Idol song contest, which was pre-taped in London and will air over the holidays, meaning an estimated 100-million viewers will see his pretty puss from Auckland to Arabia.
"Before becoming an Idol, I didn't know what fame involved," he says, during a break from a day of camera work along the market stalls of Portobello Road. "It's an amazing experience. I like it."
The 11 national winners who will compete in the contest on Christmas and New Year's Day are all called "Idols" in competition shorthand. This leads to the sort of briefly held fantasy suggested by CTV's head of variety and entertainment, Ed Robinson, when he says: "All the world idols are staying in our hotel."
The Kingston-raised Malcolm was chosen over 16,000 rivals as Canadian Idol on Sept. 16, following one of the highest-rated series in Canadian television. His hit single, Something More, has since shot to the top of the charts and an album-length CD, Home, was released Dec. 9.
But World Idol will inflate his exposure at least 20-fold. A good performance could slingshot his career to the neon-lit fields of celebrity heaven, while a poor performance could mean consignment to the dustbin of pop along with other one-hitters like Chumbawamba and The Divinyls.
The World Idol will operate along the same lines as Canadian Idol, a format devised on London's ITV two years ago and since exported to 20 money-spinning markets (formerly called countries).
It could be a tougher gig, though, as participating countries are allowed to send only one judge and have tended to send their nastiest pretenders to Simon Cowell's throne as Mr. Mean and Nasty.
A foretaste was seen in the early days of pre-recording, when an Arab judge told Will Young, the U.K. Idol, to take voice lessons if he wanted any hope of becoming a success. Prior to being told he was such a failure, Young had sold 1.1-million copies of his first single, Anything Is Possible, in its first week of release.
During last week's taping, spiky-haired Malcolm performed He Ain't Heavy, He's My Brother, a Hollies hit from 1970, on the program, a performance that received mixed reviews. Canadian judge Zack Werner praised the performance. "You should be proud of what you did, bro," he said.
But British judge Pete Waterman thought Malcolm lacked passion and soul. "Sincerity was just a little light," he added.
Cowell was even less generous.
"There is nothing wrong with it, it was fine," said Cowell. "I'm seeing a lot of people [in the competition] who are adequate but have a quirky personality. I think people [in Canada] felt sorry for you. I'm sorry."
"Don't be," Malcolm shot back.
Malcolm later seemed unfazed by the criticism of his dance steps and overall presentation, giving the taping one of Idol's patented confrontational moments when he provided an assessment of the judges.
"It's a gig and they're doing it very well," Malcolm said to the comedians Ant and Dec, hosts of the British and U.S. versions of the show. "I think most of them lack personality, because they're just mean."
It's a knuckle-gnawing moment, but relaxing in a market pub, Malcolm was the picture of cool. In fact, nearly idiot-savant cool. I've seen garage bands more nervous before playing a sock hop. He had a drink and a smoke, but has no other vices.
He doesn't take drugs. He doesn't drink and drive. He is not a sexual tomcat. He enjoys sex, but only in the context of a committed relationship.
"You can't have sex with random women any more. It's not safe, and it's not moral either."
Malcolm mentions morals a fair bit, as they are important to him. He tries to walk a straight path, and always had a moral compass. But he has also found another perfectly good reason for them: Morals attract women like catnip attracts cats.
"A moral person," he says, with the confidence of someone who has mastered the perfect scam. "Girls love that. Women love that. Young and old, it doesn't matter, they all like it." He looks at me as if to ask, Can't you see the plan, Stan? "So, yeah. Sure, I'm a good guy."
