Viking Therapeutics Inc. (STAR)
VKTX – Nasdaq
We know that Viking Therapeutics Inc.’s experimental obesity drug helped patients achieve “significant” weight loss in Phase 2 clinical trials, sending the stock up more than 100 per cent this week. What we don’t know is what Viking will call the drug – currently known as VK2735 – if it is approved for commercial use. Given the precedent set by other weight-loss medications such as Wegovy, Ozempic, Zepbound, Mounjaro and Rybelsus, Viking’s marketing department will probably just throw a bunch of high-scoring Scrabble letters together and go with whatever gets the biggest laugh from the focus group.
Bank of Montreal (DOG)
BMO – TSX
Once again, Bank of Montreal wishes to offer our sincerest apologies for the thoroughly unacceptable profit of $1.89-billion that we posted on an adjusted basis in the first quarter. This embarrassingly small sum reflects higher provisions for credit losses and lower trading revenue in our capital markets division, among other factors. Rest assured that paper bags have been issued to all members of senior management, who will wear them in public for the next two weeks as a sign of contrition for this wholly unsatisfactory result, which investors have rightfully greeted with a flood of sell orders. Thank you.
Canadian Natural Resources Ltd. (STAR)
CNQ – TSX
Business quiz! Shares of Canadian Natural Resources Ltd. surged after the oil and gas producer: a) said its “buy one barrel, get one at half off” promotion exceeded expectations; b) announced that it understated its 2023 production by a factor of 10, owing to a typo that inadvertently dropped a zero; c) announced fourth-quarter results above expectations thanks to record production, hiked its dividend by 5 per cent and said it plans to return 100 per cent of its free cash flow to shareholders via dividends and share buybacks now that it has reached its targeted net debt level of $10-billion ahead of schedule. Answer: c.
Bumble Inc. (DOG)
BMBL – Nasdaq
In the small town where I grew up, asking someone on a date was complicated. First, you had to offer the parents a basket of produce or a small goat as a gesture of goodwill. Then you had to strap on the boxing gloves and go toe-to-toe with the old man in the town square. Dating apps have streamlined the courtship process, but they’re not perfect, either. Just ask Bumble Inc. investors. Shares of the company plunged after it posted a fourth-quarter net loss of US$32-million, even as revenue rose by 13.2 per cent. With the shares trading at roughly one-quarter of their 2021 IPO price and Bumble planning to eliminate 350 jobs, or about 30 per cent of its work force, the romance investors once had with the stock is over.
Dell Technologies Inc. (STAR)
DELL – NYSE
If you are ever stumped for something intelligent to say in a business meeting or at a dinner party, casually dropping the term “AI” into a sentence is often an effective technique. For example, “These AI stocks seem to have legs. I just wish I had invested more than a puny $1-million in them.” Or, “Why are the Leafs winning so many games? A buddy of mine knows one of the trainers, and he says they’re using AI to draw up plays.” While that might not be entirely accurate, it is true that shares of Dell Technologies Inc. soared this week after the computer maker reported quarterly results ahead of Wall Street’s estimates and hiked its dividend by 20 per cent, driven by strong demand for servers used in artificial intelligence. “Actually, I do some work on the side for an AI company. You’ve probably used my software, but I’m not allowed to say more.”
John Heinzl